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Entries from July 2008

Scared Driver

July 29th, 2008 · No Comments

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said: “Look mate, don’t ever […]

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Tags: Stupid Stories

Deja Vu

July 29th, 2008 · No Comments

You’ve probably heard of “deja vu,” the illusion of having previously experienced a situation that is happening now. Here are some related expressions. Feel like I’ve… …milked this cow before: deja moo …seen this strange animal before: deja gnu …smelled this bad odor before: deja phew …visited this menagerie before: deja zoo …scared this person […]

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Tags: Misc.

Who needs school???

July 25th, 2008 · No Comments

Physics Teacher: “Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn’t that wonderful?” Student: “Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn’t have discovered anything.”

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Tags: Kids · School Daze

Back to School

July 25th, 2008 · No Comments

Summer vacation was over and Little Johnny returned back to school. Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving. “Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved!”

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Tags: Kids · School Daze

Who me! Lie, Never!

July 25th, 2008 · No Comments

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher asked, “Why are you arguing?” One boy answered, “We found a ten-dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.” “You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher. “When I was your age, I didn’t even know what […]

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Tags: Kids

All About Marriage

July 25th, 2008 · No Comments

“Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts” -Jeff Foxworthy “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” -Groucho Marx “The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” -H.V. Prochnow “I have learned that only two things are necessary to […]

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Tags: Marriage

If People Bought Cars Like They Buy Computers

July 7th, 2008 · No Comments

If People Bought Cars Like They Buy Computers Call No. 1 HELPLINE: “General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?” CUSTOMER: “I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!” HELPLINE: “Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?” CUSTOMER: “What’s an ignition?” HELPLINE: “It’s a starter motor […]

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Tags: Computers

Life begins at 40

July 6th, 2008 · No Comments

“Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.”

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Tags: Age

A lecturer teaching medicine was giving a classroom observation.

July 4th, 2008 · No Comments

A lecturer teaching medicine was giving a classroom observation. He took out a jar of yellow liquid. “This,” he explained, “is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant of color, smell, sight, and taste.” After saying so, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class […]

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Tags: Medical

DID NOAH FISH?

July 3rd, 2008 · No Comments

A Sunday school teacher asked, “Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?” “No,” replied Johnny. “How could he, with just two worms?”

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Tags: Kids · Religion