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Entries Tagged as 'Misc.'

You’re An EXTREME Redneck When

April 3rd, 2009 · No Comments

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. 2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it. 3. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws. 4. You think a woman who is […]

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Tags: Misc.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

October 29th, 2008 · No Comments

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change! JOHN MC CAIN: My friends that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialog with all the chickens on the other side of the road. HILLARY CLINTON: When I was […]

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Tags: Misc.

One Kiss Per Yard

September 19th, 2008 · No Comments

Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, the pretty girl said, “I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?” “Only one kiss per yard,” replied the male clerk with a smirk. “That’s fine,” said the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and anticipation written all […]

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Tags: Misc.

The Country Way

September 19th, 2008 · No Comments

When you’re from the country you look at things a little different. A Texas rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and knocked at the door. A young boy opened the door. “Is yer dad home?” the rancher asked. “No sir, he ain’t,” the boy replied. “He went into town.” “Well,” […]

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Tags: Misc.

Learn Chinese In 5 Minutes

August 27th, 2008 · No Comments

Learn Chinese In 5 Minutes You MUST read these out loud… 1) That’s not right …………………………………………… Sum Ting Wong 2) Are you harboring a fugitive?………………………. Hu Yu Hai Ding 3) See me ASAP……………………………………………. Kum Hia Nao 4) Small Horse ………………………………………………. Tai Ni Po Ni 5) Did you go to the beach? …………………………… Wai Yu So […]

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Tags: Misc.

Chicken Philosophy

August 27th, 2008 · No Comments

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD??? Plato: For the greater good. Aristotle: To fulfill its nature on the other side. Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability. Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with […]

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Tags: Misc.

Dear Dad…

August 25th, 2008 · No Comments

A father passing by his son’s bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and that everything was picked up and tidy. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, ‘Dad.’ With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands. Dear […]

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Tags: Misc.

Three Pints of Guinness

August 25th, 2008 · No Comments

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint goes flat after […]

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Tags: Misc.

Deja Vu

July 29th, 2008 · No Comments

You’ve probably heard of “deja vu,” the illusion of having previously experienced a situation that is happening now. Here are some related expressions. Feel like I’ve… …milked this cow before: deja moo …seen this strange animal before: deja gnu …smelled this bad odor before: deja phew …visited this menagerie before: deja zoo …scared this person […]

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Tags: Misc.

Weddings

June 26th, 2008 · No Comments

WHITES: send out invitations. MEXICANS: send out maps. WHITES: receive their invitations 3 months in advance. MEXICANS: find out about the wedding 1 week before. WHITES: have seven BridesMaids.. MEXICANS: have seventy Padrinos. WHITES: RSVP their invitation. MEXICANS: show up with three car loads. WHITES: go to the wedding AND the reception. MEXICANS: just go […]

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Tags: Misc.